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If you hear a “loud rumble” in the sky, don’t worry. It’s not thunder. It’s Elvis beatin’ the shit out of Micheal Jackson for marrying his daughter.

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Two women were sitting together, quietly.

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It’s pretty unlikely that you, or any of us for that matter, will be traveling thru or across South Dakota this upcoming weekend, but just in case:  I-90 will be closed Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.  They are hauling a 200 ton lump of coal from Pennsylvania to  South Dakota  so they can add President Obama to Mount Rushmore.

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Barack Obama at a recent rural elementary school assembly in East Texas, asked the audience for total quiet.  Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence.

Then he said into the microphone: “Children, every time I clap my hands together, a child in America dies from gun violence.”

Then, little Richard Earl, with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said:  ”Well, dumbass, stop clapping!”

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You know spring is here when the girls start showing off their belly buttons…..

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Once upon a time, a guy asked his girlfriend to marry him, and she said “No.”  And the guy lived happily ever after, and never went shopping again, but went camping and fishing and hunting and played golf and tennis a lot and drank a lot of beer and whiskey, and had a lot of casual wild sex with increasingly younger women, and left the toilet seat up, scratched his balls and farted whenever he wanted.

The End.

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With “get in shape for summer” season upon us, I wanted to remind everybody of one lesson:

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